99 cranes

99 cranes in the waste bin, these cranes will not have an owner, much unwanted, just like me. This was suppose to be a birthday gift. No longer true.

I won't disagree

Ignorance is bliss
You'd always hear me say
But at times you can't deny
Those eyes lookin' your way

Let me begin by saying what I mean
It's a crime against the heart you know
To be somewhere in between

Well don't be shy
I've got an open heart and hand
And I just might have to confess just where I stand

'Cause lately you make me weaker in the knees
And race through my veins baby every time you're close to me
Take me away to places I ain't seen
They say you've got a hold on me'
And I Won't Disagree

Rock a bye my baby
Don't be blue tonight
Oh I'm on my way
And I'm gonna make it right

'Cause I've got the feeling
You'll be needing love
And of all the lonely hearts
You're the one I'm thinkin' of

I've been told it's gonna take an iron hand
To break the mold and stand above all of the rest

Well lately you make me weaker in the knees
And race through my veins baby every time you're close to me
Take me away to places I ain't seen
They say you've got a hold on me'
And I Won't Disagree

I'll be thinking of that evening
When there's nothing for me to do
And I'll be wondering if by some slim chance
You're wondering too

Lately you make me weaker in the knees
And race through my veins baby every time you're close to me
Take me away to places I ain't seen
They say you've got a hold on me'

Oh lately you make me weaker in the knees
And race through my veins baby every time you're close to me
Take me away to places I ain't seen
They say you've got a hold on me'
And I Won't Disagree

Everyday

i wonder why anyone would give me this glint of hope. and demand me to dive out this flame, to perish all hope. why?

i hate checking my email everyday and receiving mails that i know will burn my heart into ashes. i don’t get anything other than friendship mails that asks if i'm ok, if i've moved on. no i haven't but why care when it’s obvious i'm just a minute distraction, an obligatory 'how do you do' friend. it shatters my heart every morning. and i have to force myself to face the day with a smile. isn’t any easy as the time passes by, as i know new friends, as i walk the streets, certainly isn’t easy seeing ghosts everywhere and just hoping.

silly is what i feel. there’s nothing to gain from all this. honestly, i can’t remember any day that i haven’t been thinking about it. and it just puts me off food, talking, friends.

i use to have loads of confidence in myself. i thought i could read people’s actions but now i feel lost in translation, but yet with a great desire to interpret the message, often thinking in my favour. but not getting it quite right.

ray said it would take someone half the time of their relationship to forget someone. is it going to take 2 years for me? i absolutely wouldn’t mind the two years. but could anyone assure me it’ll only take 2 years? it’s been 4 months and it still kills, everyday.

A typical conversation in Aberdeen

Conversation #1

Victor: An apple a day keeps the doctor away!
Kumar: Wei, later we cannot be doctor wei!
Victor: Eat one apple cannot graduate, so we eat two apple la!

Conversation #2

Stranger: Fit like?
Scottish wannabe (us): Nae bad.

Greeting #1

Kish: I was born in Sri Lanka but I stay in Qatar and I was the head prefect there. And I’m not from Tamil Tiger.

Greeting #2

Satvinder: Hello, I’m Satvinder, but you can call me Sat.

Greeting #3

Renuka: Hi, my name is Renuka but you can call me Ray.
Dr. McLay: Like death ray, stingray?
Renuka: X-ray! (said with a cheeky look)

Conversation #3

Kevin: Aisyah!
Victor: Aisyah!
Kumar: Aisyah!

Conversation #4

Victor: ..... HMO
Kumar: Eh, we shit in toilet 3 of us, need HMO ar?

A new flame

After thousands of miles, hundreds of failures, heaps of things that I did wrong, I’m up and about again. Writing about the disappointing, the occasional thrills and things I just wish I could get out of my mind. A shout out place is what I need.

Only two people know about this blog (and I expect you guys to keep it to yourself). It’ll be distressing for family members to know and I wouldn’t want them to worry about me. After all, I’ll be fine. I’ll always be fine. So don’t worry or fret for me.

It’ll be a routine. Doing things that I think might make me smile a bit more everyday. It’s hard to be around here. Everything cost a bomb. Down the drain goes the piano. So, words and photography are all that I have that amuses me.

The only joy of waking up in the morning is looking forward to the classes and patients that I’ll meet everyday. They do not judge or discriminate me for who I am, maybe because they don’t know me or my flaws. But I’m glad they appreciate what little things I could do for them.

Don’t be expecting long essays or immense load of pictures or regular updates. I just realized the only way I could keep a blog running is without the pressure to write when I don’t want to.

Tomorrow’s going to be a brand new day. A brand new breath. And I’ll sequester it with a brand new flame.