i wonder why anyone would give me this glint of hope. and demand me to dive out this flame, to perish all hope. why?
i hate checking my email everyday and receiving mails that i know will burn my heart into ashes. i don’t get anything other than friendship mails that asks if i'm ok, if i've moved on. no i haven't but why care when it’s obvious i'm just a minute distraction, an obligatory 'how do you do' friend. it shatters my heart every morning. and i have to force myself to face the day with a smile. isn’t any easy as the time passes by, as i know new friends, as i walk the streets, certainly isn’t easy seeing ghosts everywhere and just hoping.
silly is what i feel. there’s nothing to gain from all this. honestly, i can’t remember any day that i haven’t been thinking about it. and it just puts me off food, talking, friends.
i use to have loads of confidence in myself. i thought i could read people’s actions but now i feel lost in translation, but yet with a great desire to interpret the message, often thinking in my favour. but not getting it quite right.
ray said it would take someone half the time of their relationship to forget someone. is it going to take 2 years for me? i absolutely wouldn’t mind the two years. but could anyone assure me it’ll only take 2 years? it’s been 4 months and it still kills, everyday.
