something has changed

Something has changed in me this autumn. I am studying more, facebooking less, blogging almost close to nil and drinking slightly more than usual. There are 2 cups of crisp clear liquid and one of it is vodka, hopefully a successfull remedy for sleepless nights. Thinking too much but nothing good is coming out of it. I hate this feeling of regret.

I'll be moving to Inverness for GP posting next month on the 7th for 5 weeks. I am actually looking forward to it because i figure I'll be able to study for the mocks exam. Although i know there's a slight chance to go bonkers being all alone up north in that cold city.

I can see the leaves falling, the perfect scenery for a photoshot but i have no one to take picture of now. Grr ....

Kevin got burned again, good thing its only a first degree burn in the heart. I feel like a coward for walking off something although i know it will only end badly for me. From today, i shall fight all the urge to contact natalia. This moment here .... is the moment where i feel i am most useless.

But i know, just like the oil burns on my hands, i will heal with time, a long time maybe. hmm...

... turning over a new leaf ...

The past week was the most mind torturing week with a girl I've ever gone through but now that it's passed by so quickly, I wish it lasted longer. It was crazy trying to resist everything that this girl was. Its nothing that words can describe. Those smiles and the way she does things, and the smart person she was. I guess the hardest part was to say goodbye to someone that I thought was perfect, and so I didn't say goodbye when she left in the bus. That was stupid, I should have because we might not meet again.

And if anyones wondering if i slept with her, I didn't. Time to be a good boy after all the bad things I've done. Hmm ... i think i'm madly in love with this spanish girl but i know time will fade the memories of me in her mind. Maybe its for the better but let me enjoy this company while it last, before the distance takes another friend away from me again. I am amazed at how much self control I have and she was amazed as well. I only hope that this good impression that I've made will stay with her for a very long time.

!@#$%#!

this morning, i walked to the hospital under the freezing rain, at 830 morning to attend a cardio clinic.

cardio clinic cancelled.

i waited for afternoon class until 2 pm in the library.

class cancelled.

pissed.

is in love

... thank you ...