hk

london airport during christmas. my first flight from aberdeen to london was delayed 3 hours because the landing strip was frozen. the next flight from london to hk was delayed 6 hours because the plane was frozen. what else could go frozen?!



tvb drama cop shows. *in canton* 2384 poh kou! hang pit!


*in canton* cheng lei yam kah feh.


my dear sis stopped balding.

i will look a hundred soon.

hk, land of desserts.


time square. stupid place.



another moment being mistaken for her bf. babi!



this is where god of cookery was filmed, i think...


funny stuff! look like octopus. reminds me of pat tat tung, octopus card.

i think this is where jackie chan climbed up the building in the new police story.

this is good stuff. iced sugar fruity candy.



didn't like hong kong people one bit.

glad to have seen my dad, granpa and sister for a few days.

am missing all of you already.

tolong

I should be paid for cutting all my housemates hair and for these pictures.

new year

alone

nothing to write

eyes

After 22 years, i realize i have brown eyes. Bizarre!

06/12/2009

Now that I put this here, I'll never lose this moment.

I should study!

Just spent 1 hour editing 2 picture and studying. So not effective. But learnt some new things about photoshop. Make up digitally. Smudging, eye colour replacement, patching, sharpening, colour boosting, hair transplant, lipstick, eye bag removal, tweaking black and white balance, teeth whitening, eyebrow tweaks, skin repair.

Took over the plastic surgeons job. Xp

antihypertensives as easy as ABCD

courtesy of british hypertension society

Speedy

its almost reaching a month since i've been in inverness. and guess wat, i bought a bike! please don't ask me how much it is! Xp

her name is speedy! and i love her! another wife for the collection. so now i stand between cammy, lappy and my newest wife, speedy. X)

i went out for a long long ride today. ooo, did i mention that it snowed in the morning. it was bloody cold.

now that i have speedy, i look forward to the next morning so i can go out with her. X)

inverness city itself is a gorgeous little town. the people here are much nicer than in aberdeen. they spend more smiles for passer bys.

they certainly love their bridges!

this is the caledonian canal. this is the best picture i've taken in inverness yet, though not very good. Xp

i've to pass through 2 rivers every morning to get to gp. it's either an hour walk or 2 busses to get there. maybe i'll cycle tomorrow. hmm ... X)

procurator fiscal

GP asks me: Have you heard about Harold Shipman? If you want to practice in the UK, you must know about Harold Shipman.

Me: Whaatttt?

GP: As a homework, I want you to find out who Harold Shipman is.

*in a car witht the GP heading back after a crematorium visit.

Oooo kayyy .... hm.

Who is Harold Shipman?

something to look forward to

I am going to own you one day!

cycling

i tried my GP's racing bicycle yesterday and cycle a few miles. and i like it. now im looking at some cheap bicycles but the cheapest is 200+ pounds. sigh. forget it huh.

saturdays are so quiet. X(

the worst morning

it was a really bad morning. i woke up at 6 to make lunch, packed it and forgot to bring it to gp.

i took the bus at 750 and left my gloves somewhere at the bus station.

i reached gp and waited for the district nurse for 30 minutes and she cancelled the day for me.

so im stuck here in front of the computer and my itchy mind wanted to look at caryns blog.

now i have a picture of her and her bf stuck in my head. and its killing me.

help.

wants to get drunk

anyone up for it?

i miss ...

i miss a dear old friend whom i stayed with for many years. someone whom i ate hundreads of meals with. someone whom i've done stupid things with, drawing my back, midnight walk down to the water dispenser.

i've met many people since you but every single person felt wrong and i compare each with what we use to be. now i cant sleep or study because i cant stop thinking. and my heart feels quizzy. this sucks. 18 months without seeing you, how did i manage. i wish ....

yea ...

yay ... hopefully i'll get a new pair of reading glasses soon. dah bosan jadi buta!

study study study

5 more days to exams. 6 more days to inverness.

something has changed

Something has changed in me this autumn. I am studying more, facebooking less, blogging almost close to nil and drinking slightly more than usual. There are 2 cups of crisp clear liquid and one of it is vodka, hopefully a successfull remedy for sleepless nights. Thinking too much but nothing good is coming out of it. I hate this feeling of regret.

I'll be moving to Inverness for GP posting next month on the 7th for 5 weeks. I am actually looking forward to it because i figure I'll be able to study for the mocks exam. Although i know there's a slight chance to go bonkers being all alone up north in that cold city.

I can see the leaves falling, the perfect scenery for a photoshot but i have no one to take picture of now. Grr ....

Kevin got burned again, good thing its only a first degree burn in the heart. I feel like a coward for walking off something although i know it will only end badly for me. From today, i shall fight all the urge to contact natalia. This moment here .... is the moment where i feel i am most useless.

But i know, just like the oil burns on my hands, i will heal with time, a long time maybe. hmm...

... turning over a new leaf ...

The past week was the most mind torturing week with a girl I've ever gone through but now that it's passed by so quickly, I wish it lasted longer. It was crazy trying to resist everything that this girl was. Its nothing that words can describe. Those smiles and the way she does things, and the smart person she was. I guess the hardest part was to say goodbye to someone that I thought was perfect, and so I didn't say goodbye when she left in the bus. That was stupid, I should have because we might not meet again.

And if anyones wondering if i slept with her, I didn't. Time to be a good boy after all the bad things I've done. Hmm ... i think i'm madly in love with this spanish girl but i know time will fade the memories of me in her mind. Maybe its for the better but let me enjoy this company while it last, before the distance takes another friend away from me again. I am amazed at how much self control I have and she was amazed as well. I only hope that this good impression that I've made will stay with her for a very long time.

!@#$%#!

this morning, i walked to the hospital under the freezing rain, at 830 morning to attend a cardio clinic.

cardio clinic cancelled.

i waited for afternoon class until 2 pm in the library.

class cancelled.

pissed.

is in love

... thank you ...

The last picture of my first journey alone. There could be fun even if it's just me. X)

Droollll .... i see weird colour. *hallucination*

hitz fm!

Merdeka .... soon

Racism, it is everywhere. Why can't it just dissapear? I've been to Australia, NZ, thai, vietnam and UK. If you're a Malaysian reading this, let me convince you that Malaysia has an awful lot and it is worthy of being called home. I use to think it was crap but Malaysia is home.



I miss home.

english essay 1

I wrote this for my english essay entitled 'Food Culture'. i think it is crap and maybe reading it feels like a bit of bitch slap. but at least it is real and not something i googled up. X)

The moment I got this assignment a few months ago, I knew that it wouldn’t be an easy one to finish. It wouldn’t be easy to meet my sp especially because he wouldn’t be around during my summer break and I would have to start my block rotations pretty soon. Although it took me a week to set up a proper date to meet him and 25 minutes of cycling to reach him, I can now say that I am truly glad to have attended a dinner with him in his house. I was back to a familiar place where I first met him for the first assignment. The other tough part of this assignment is really how factual a topic such as ‘Food culture’ is and it is often difficult to sit down for a long period of time just trying to get enough points out on the table to complete a 500 word essay.

Culture is something that a person has to experience with their senses. It is not something I could personally write about just by hearing from other people’s past experiences. Craig told me about many wonderful things about wedding dinners, ‘Aberdeen Morning Roll’ and the typical and exotic foods in Aberdeen, but how much of it can I actually imagine and convey in fine words? The answer would be ‘very little’. So, the following paragraph of words would be an account for all that I’ve experienced on this lovely dinner that I had.

Dinner here certainly is different from back in Malaysia. My family use to take snips of food from the same dish bowls with a pair of chopsticks. This is certainly something not typically seen in Aberdeen. The great part about chopsticks is the ability to grab something metres away, which would otherwise be impossible to reach if a spoon and fork method was used. That may be the reason why the dishes have to be passed around the table this evening. You see, eating a Chinese meal is all about being efficient. Chopsticks in Mandarin literally mean fast fingers. On top of that, we’ll never need to pass bowls around because our typical Chinese dinner table has a separate revolving part.

This evening’s dinner came out one by one. We started off with some pork and bean stew and then moved on to desert which was vanilla ice cream with cherries drenched with alcohol. The dinner ended with a cup of hot tea. I was told that dinner here usually starts with a starter like a shrimp cocktail, then a soup, the main course , dessert and finally coffee or tea. After having experienced such a wonderful meal, I feel unfortunate to say that Malaysia has a markedly different method of presenting food. In Malaysia, all the dishes usually come at about the same time and this means that our food chills out before it reaches our tummies. Desserts are not a frequent thing unless it’s a special occasion or rarely on a weekend. We’ve enough sugar in our daily meals and drinks and we have decided that desserts will only be another reason for our undiagnosed diabetes.

Dinners, no matter in which part of the world it is, is rarely about the food. It is neither about the type of utensils used nor the way we sit around a table or on a floor. It is ALL about the people. It doesn’t matter if it’s held around a round table, square table, long table or no table, people always sit next to each other during the dinner. That is the only ingredient needed to cook up a few moments of joy, comfort and sense of belonging.

my goal this year!

It'll take me 4 hours to cycle to stonehaven and another 4 to cycle back. I am going to save up enough money to get a better bike before i start doing that and a helmet as well.

Hopefully i'll be able to do it end of this year or early next year when the weather is good. It'll be something i'll do happily by myself. Just to know that i can do it if i really wanted to ...

personality of a clay

it feels like i'm being molded, far from being finish, and bits are rolling and losing its way. my personal mission everyday is to combat the urge to sleep. kevin is not much of kevin anymore. not so much of a gleeful smile. i wonder if this is the sign for aging. i dont know how i am suppose to react as i would. its always random, i wonder if this is depression.

i got severely drunk. although i didnt remember anything, victor told me what happened. seemed that i might have vomited loads and then i cried and hit victor a few bashful. though i cant remember any of it, i can certainly tell why i did that at the moment. it still hurts but maybe it is suppose to hurt forever. and just maybe, there is more than 1 perfect girl for me in the world. the wounds wouldn't heal until the next perfect girl comes along. maybe natalia is the only person that makes me myself. because i am myself, i think. but it doesn't matter now. study is all that matters.

greeks

Vagelis is leaving for Greece on saturday. Finally someone with same brain wavelength but leaving again. Haha .... those were nice times in bobbin and that money we lost in the casino. Xp

take care vagelis. i hope we meet some day.

diary ...

there is no one that i can tell this to, but i need a pause to breath out these thoughts in my head, to keep myself sane and alive.

i miss eating paus with caryn, and that is what i wish every morning when i wake up, and it still hurts as if it was only yesterday. its been a 1 year wait, i really just want to feel how it was to be with you back then for just 5 minutes. i wish if 5 minutes was just so easy.

the things i miss the most

i miss malaysian sun, i miss mcdonald, i miss paus, i miss friends, i miss secondary school friends, i miss work place friends, i miss caryns hands, i miss my shabby room and watching movie in that room with my sister, i miss driving caryn, i miss being the kiddish me, i miss being myself, i miss being happy.

half the things i miss, i know i'll never get back. i miss so many more things.

Luis Royo ... sorry for plagiarizing your art but I didn't have a high def piece.

My new wallpaper, suddenly remembered what natalia mentioned, and this will serve to remind me of you.

cultural differences?

It's been about 5 months since I've been here. There's really nothing different about aberdeen compared to malaysia, at least nothing mind blowing enough to annoy.

Though there are some subtle things that just don't make sense here.

While we have mat rempits in malaysia delivering for pizza hut with a bike, in aberdeen, they use SMART cars or the more luxurious local cars. Does't really make sense does it? No wonder pizza here is so expansive...

What does the term 'just now' mean to you?

Answer 1 (if you're malaysian) : 5 minutes - 5 hours ago
Answer 2 (typical aberdeen people) : RIGHT NOW!

But one thing is for sure .... there are mosquitoes in UK too ... but none that beats any of them IQ and EQ in malaysia. A more primitive version of mosquito.

my first 10 hours sleep

I've just woken up from a 10 hours sleep, my very first in Aberdeen.

It wasn't a peaceful sleep. I didn't sleep the whole way through. It was like watching a broken tv, series after series and all of it didn't make sense to me.

I can't put my finger down where the dreams were or how many I had, but there was one really odd one with Satvinder in it, fixing his camera. I thought that was pretty funny, he is technologically challenged even in my dreams.

And I can recall two other dreams. Both with caryn. One of it was where we use to live in vista. I was watching me, but that wasn't me, in a way as if i wanted for myself to move closer but i couldn't.

And the next dream, we were both at my grandmother's place, sitting on that red sofa in front of the tv. This time, I had control of me in this dream and as I inched closer just to get her hand, I thought, finally, it's been a year and after all this waiting. And she just said, 'We're not going to make it, i don't love you at all.' And she took out a book with pictures of us, but dusty and torn, and she threw it out.

I could feel my heart in my real body break and sucked in and tear, even while i was dreaming.

I miss that one hand.

lost and found

i've lost a best friend, a friend that is in the same condition as me back in malaysia when i lost fiona as a friend.

i've lost the role of being a part of a family after i went to med school, i've forgotten what my mothers smile is like.

i've lost a great buddy who always is there to hang out with when i lost james.

i've lost an old wise friend, a friend who reminds me of the right choices in life when i lost mui how.

most of all, i've lost a big part of my mind and my heart, and the most memorable lover, the friend who is always there, fun moments, lost the ability to believe in love as it was with her, when i lost caryn.

this is the moment when i feel blessed to have gained a few new friends. people who would stand by. i am thankful i have great housemates like kien wei and victor. i wish we could stay together for the 2 years in aberdeen. i am thankful i still have one malaysian friend who makes the effort to stay in touch, haha, that's you la ellice! and of course my sister for talking with me, although a couple of hundread miles away. i miss my sister and watching lame ass show and sleeping in the same tiny room.

thank you everyone.

Maybe this is the perfect day ...

My recent motto 'Do everything the right way' and so far, its working well. Yea, I've skipped 2 clinics this week but only because I failed to wake up for the first one and because of an on call later today in the evening.

I would like to say that i nailed my on call night. Not so many of a "Uh ..... " night. Useless information in my brain was finally a bit wee more useful today. So, what are the most common type of cranial lumps in paeds? hematoma in scAlP (periosteal and aponeurosis). how in the world could i have remembered that from med school years ago?!

I guess one thing is still quite true about peads attachments. No matter how much of books I could potentially digest at home, it never measures up to a day of specialty clinic. And that's mainly because everything I read, is non tpical for an adult, let alone in paeds.

There was a female specialist registrar, chinese, probably a taiwanese, bringing me along in the wards round. Damn, finally I've met with a non consultant that knows their stuff. Me and Daniel said to ourselves 'So, that's how it is to always make sense, it's just so simple'. How come WE can't do it??

Looking at the patients in the clinics, I just realized I'm at least at the top of 95th percentile for being such a lucky person. I'm not sick, nor in severe poverty, nor do i need to stick a needle in me 3 times a day such as in diabetics. Gosh I am lucky.

Today marks the end of the first week in paeds. With any luck, I'll get a bike tomorrow and do the one thing I've been wanting to do for a while now. The place where something FIRST happened in Aberdeen. I hope that place hasn't change.

learning english

so this is how people may react when i attempt to learn spanish/french .... not cool.

It is a TV program of entertainment where participants are seeing a video of somebody who learn english and they are not allowed to laugh or they are beaten.

Something to laugh at, this guy is good! X)

paediatrics examination

1. Warm smile (which i don't have)
2. Warm hands (during summer, but what about winter??)
3. Warm stethoscope (i dont have a stet, how!?)

tired

The truth is I cant stop myself from messaging caryn. And i'm sorry if i ruined her afternoon. I really am.

I kept sending Natalia smses, but the truth is i have never said the words i want to say because it is not right for me to say simple words like 'i like you'.

The truth is, it only takes one person to say to me 'Be a good boy' from time to time, and i would.

why i blog

... because I miss having someone who would listen to all my silly stories. Stories of what I do everyday, no matter how small and insignificant it may sound, or how normal my day was. I have recently realized how true the saying goes, 'It is difficult to find a good listener'. And I, of all people, knows how it drives a person crazy not being heard. I have to say that my self esteem is pretty low now. I ain't worth anyone’s time, because I can't give or help with anything, compelled with this tarnished reputation of being a relationship breaker. My heart screams no and my actions try at it's best to be valiant and true. Even the numerous messages that I send to the person that I adore has to be screened ample times, screen proof to avoid words that convey too much of affection or words that give false impression, or any impression of liking itself. I am only 21 years old and I’ve screwed up so many things. If I had avoided all these mistakes, I would’ve been rich with contentment. Simply do the right thing from now, is my plan from now on.

From now on, do the right thing, say only the truth, and no avoidance.

cycling level 3

Abilities acquired:

- climb up small pavement steps, failure rate ~40%.
- dodge rubbish bin attacks 80% of the time.

Level 4:

- cycle on the road and not get hit by a car.

cycling level 2

woo hoo, i can finally cycle and it only took 2 hour to learn.

despite so many people who tried teaching me things, i guess i just have to learn in by myself. but thanks to all the folks, especially those that gave me their bike as a guinea pig.

no bike was harmed but i kinda hit a few rubbish bin and some minor bruise on my legs. Xp

holiday will be over soon. i know it is stupid to say but this holiday feels lonely, even with housemates around.

Special Recipes

Jamie Oliver would be proud of us.

We made do with what we had.

We cooked so often, we got bored and tried something out of this world.

Kien Wei didn't want to eat meat for dinner. So he made this weird combo platter out of apples, bananas, donuts, bread and cherry tomatoes.

He's thinking about trying to make rice yogurt tomorrow. I wonder how that would taste. Xp


I had this madness craze for stir frying lately. Yesterday was tom yam fried rice. Today i ran out of overnight rice. So i stir fried spaghetti instead. Not bad indeed,


I'm thinking about tom yam stir fry spiral pasta tomorrow. Hmm ... sounds good.

Roasted week

2 recipes, lots of sun, lots of rain, lots of laughter, a bit of sadness ... and one week is over.

Failure

work harder ... less blogging ... let computer ... less pictures ... sigh.

100 post then ...

We just celebrated victor's and satvinder's birthday. It was a tiring day, getting the presents and to socialize, which I am hardly good at. Human chemistry is just not in me.

100 post, and still an empty cup. I miss feeling right.

O n G

O n G .... more like OMG.

Feeling depressed with myself for doing so badly in exam today.

*no motivation*

57 kg

i left malaysia with 65 kg of me, now i have 57 kg of it. what happened to 8 more kgs?

did the airport people lose it while i transited in hong kong or london?

i thought chocolates were meant to make people fat ... but is it?

i thought eating and then sleeping makes people fat ... but its not.

this is the record thinnest i've been.

i can count the ribs without palpating.

the pectus excavatum has never been more excavated.

proper meals maybe, but i doubt it'll help. with this many hours sitting and reading and this little sleep.

i feel thin, sleepy, tired and stupid.

composure

it has taken everything i have, every single ounce of effort to forget. and it seems like i am finally picking up myself, by myself. after numerous falls and losing myself, i finally have a routine that i do to forget.

it doesn't hurt anymore to think or talk about it. but avoiding still feels much better. and i can feel that this is the last stretch that i have to run through. although it still feels like running on shattered glass, the glass pieces pierces only skin deep now.

so what if she's in seremban or malaysia or even aberdeen? i can say that convincingly now, and with an occasional grin. it's a good sign of tolerance. 7 months, that's how long it has screwed my life. maybe more if i include the time i spent alone last year.

my goal for the next 2 weeks: learn how to cycle, maybe study a bit for paediatrics and ... ta da damm!!!

LEARN SOME BASIC SPANISH!

the timing may be all messed up. but if i dun give it an effort, i'll never know if i failed just for not trying.

Caffeine

Not that it keeps me awake anymore.

compulsive

I should think what i write and read what i write and not publish what i didn't read twice. X(

This 2 weeks have been awful ...

I have plans for next 2 weeks already.

Irish!

I was surfing at random things this evening and wondered what my name meant. I googled it and this came up:

The boy's name Kevin \k(e)-vin\ is pronounced KEV-in. It is of Irish and Gaelic origin, and its meaning is "handsome beloved".

My name's origin is Irish and I didn't even know it. Hmph ...

And out of curiosity, I googled Natalia's as well. But I already knew beforehand that it means birth, which should be from latin for 'natal'. But no ... someone had to insist it was Russian. Hmm ...

And here's what it says about Natalia:

The girl's name Natalie \n(a)-ta-lie\ is pronounced NAT-a-lee. It is of Latin origin, and its meaning is "birthday". Refers to the birthday of Christ, or Christmas.

So what does Kevina Natalie means?

Looks like an alien here.

It was the nicest weather I've experienced since I've been here in Aberdeen. Summer holiday in 2 more weeks. So many of my fellow batchmates were sun bathing out in the open, waiting for their tutorial to start.

I only had half day of clinic today. So I got home and got my camera and took a stroll using the usual road i take to go to the hospital. Whitehall - Beechgroove - Bonnymuir - Westburn.

I'm not sure if its the temperature (36°C today) or if its because I never noticed it, but all the flowers are blooming today! Its a great day for pictures.

Funny place for the sunray to hit on ... on the most perfect spot ... and my eye just caught it.

The first house on the right which I pass everyday on the way to the hospital.

I think this is Jasmine. I could smell it 10 feet away from this place. The house was lovely too.

This is the nicest picture! Roses for my dear friend Ros. Haha ...

STIs

I think I've seen enough strippers, sex workers, college boy, married women with sexually transmitted disease to last me a year. That was pretty tiring. Sleep.

A baby I assisted in delivery ...

15th June 2009. X)

All Things TRANSFORM!

Finally, people could ask me 'Have you watched Transformers 2', and I can say YES!

This is one show that was totally worth my 4.65 pounds. Heck, i would pay another 4.65 to watch it again.

The main star of the show is not megan fox .... surprised?

As all Megan Fox fans would have anticipated. This movie had plenty of scenes to cover 360 degrees of Megan Fox ... and it was good. X)

Not to mention that the Decepticons have never looked better!

And this new guy just adds all the fun of it. Finally a non leading role being developed properly.

This is the MAIN STAR of the show along with Sam. The struggle was simply the best part of the movie! This beats Frodo and his ring!

The inner child of me screaming 'i wanna be sam' ... boo hoo ...