8 4 6

We just bought 8 cans of beer for 6 pounds. I’m looking forward to getting intoxicated with alcohol. It has worked out for me before, when I had too much in my mind. It's good to get drunk, to forget about all those things I’ve been putting into my mind, all the memories I’m trying so hard to put a chain on. It is all very contradictive. I need a minute to breathe normal but I never want to lose a single piece of memory I have because it’s all I have. She’s left me with nothing.

Let’s hope the alcohol here is as good as it is back home. Laughing out loud but my heart is indeed always thinking about the past and crying away. I may sound like a weak, gay lil child, because I probably am. It’s not that I’m desperately wanting everyone to like me. But just for everyone to leave me alone and be fine by myself. Stop telling me again and again about what I no longer have.

I need to slip away desperately from all this. Everytime I sit down, I realize she’s just in my mind’s eye, reaching out for me. But it's nothing of that sort in the real world.

I'm finished with my bridging course. And it’s a Friday. I wish I could spend it elsewhere with someone that I truly miss. Instead, we'll be drinking away in my room. What a way to celebrate. Happy birthday to you. I wish I could say it to you personally but that would only ruin your day. I’m not sorry because I’ve done nothing wrong.

Looking forward to getting drunk. Goodnight.